INTERESTING ARTICLE

Article quoted from www.babycenter.com

Separation and independence
Your newborn has no sense of himself as an individual; he thinks that you and he are one, and doesn't even realize that the tiny hands and feet waving before him are his own. Over time, as he develops physically and mentally, he'll figure out that he's his own little person, with his own body, thoughts, and feelings. Of course, he'll also want to do things his own way.

Your baby's sense of individuality will take years to develop. At around 6 or 7 months, he'll start to realize that he's separate from you and that you can leave him alone. This is when usually kicks in, and it can last well into the second year. But once your child becomes more social, and more confident that you will, in fact, come back for him when you leave him at daycare or with a sitter, he'll be able to move forward and forge his own identity. By the toddler years, his budding independence may actually become a problem. Wanting things "my way" is at the heart of many temper tantrums.

How it develops
1 to 6 months
Until his half birthday, your child will completely identify with his primary caregiver. Working on gaining control over his basic movements and reflexes, he can't even think about the process of forming his own identity during those first few months. His primary concern is filling his immediate needs for food, love, and attention. You may start to notice the first signs of budding independence at about 4 months, when your baby discovers that he can cry to get your attention. That's one of the first steps in learning that he has an independent will and that how he behaves can have an impact on others — namely you.

A famous British study shows exactly how unaware babies are about their own existence. Researchers placed several infants under the age of 1 in front of a mirror to see whether they understood that the reflections were images of themselves. They didn't. Each baby would pat his mirror image, behaving as if he were seeing another baby. And when researchers dabbed red rouge on a baby's nose and plopped him back in front of the mirror, he always tried to touch his reflection's nose, not his own.

7 to 12 months
At around 7 months your baby will realize that he's independent of you. While it's an exciting cognitive milestone, this new understanding of separateness can make him anxious. He knows that you can leave him, but he doesn't know that you'll always come back, so he's likely to burst into tears when you leave, even for a minute. Resist the urge to sneak away when his back is turned — when you leave him at daycare, for example. It won't help him cope, and it may just make him more afraid that you aren't coming back. Hard as it can be, say goodbye and go while he's watching.

12 to 24 months
Your baby's making more progress now at differentiating himself from you and from the world around him. In the same British study mentioned above, researchers put rouge on the noses of children at about 21 months of age. When these babies looked in the mirror, they touched their own noses; they understood that the reflections in the mirrors were images of themselves.

Your 2-year-old may still get upset when you leave him at daycare or with a sitter, but he'll recover more quickly now because he's more secure. Experience and his budding memory skills have taught him that you'll come back after being gone for a while. You've built his trust by continually showing him that you love and care for him, and it's this trust that gives him the confidence to venture out on his own. His insistence on wearing those green pajamas for the fifth night in a row, eating only certain foods, and climbing into his car seat by himself are all signs of independence.

25 to 36 months
Between the ages of 2 and 3, your toddler will continue to struggle for independence. He'll wander farther away from you as he goes exploring, and he'll continue to test his limits (coloring on the walls, for example, even if you tell him not to). In fact, "I can do it myself" is probably one of the most common refrains you'll hear from your older toddler.

What comes next
With age comes greater independence and self-awareness. Each year will bring more things that your child will want to do on his own. As your child gets older, he'll become more knowledgeable about himself and the scope of his abilities. Future developments include the ability to prepare his own food, make friends, and go to school.

Your role
Your child needs a secure attachment to you before he can move away and explore his world. Consistently give him love and support, and he'll build the confidence he needs to strike out on his own. Beginning when he's an infant, respond immediately to your baby's cries. Build that crucial bond by feeding him when he's hungry, changing his diapers when they're dirty, and smiling and talking with him when he's alert.

To develop independence, your child needs to test his limits and explore his surroundings, so provide him with a safe home environment. Instead of running around saying "no" every time he touches something that could harm him, keep dangerous objects out of his reach and plenty of safe ones within it.

Keep in mind that just because your child is starting to break out on his own doesn't mean he'll require less of your comfort and love. While he may grow less needy, he still craves your constant care. Encourage him any time he tries something on his own, but don't push him away when he runs back to you for support. He'll want and need your reassurance for a long time to come.

When to be concerned
Although separation anxiety is normal for babies between 10 and 18 months, you should consult your child's doctor if his anxiety becomes so overwhelming that he's unable to do anything without you by his side or if he's inconsolable even after you're long gone from his presence.